Being an uncle is not easy. Being an uncle to 10 kids is near impossible. It’s a hard job and being a godfather to one of them doesn’t make things any easier either.
It’s my duty however and each time I’m tested in uncle skills, it never ceases to make me question my very character.
While their incessant screaming is one of the most unnerving elements of dealing with children, I find it much more terrifying when they stare at me.
Hear me out now, this is not your normal 10-second kind-hearted sort of moment. This is 30 seconds of mind-numbing, senseless and unbound glaring.
Even when I’m doing absolutely nothing, babies find the need to just gaze at me for what seems like forever. At first I try making funny or goofy faces to make them laugh. Next maybe I’ll try baby babble to see if that’s their fancy. However none of this ever seems to work and they just continue looking on as if it was their primary goal to gaze deep into the bowels of my soul.
There’s nothing I can do so I try to ignore it but the whole time I look away I can feel their little puny eyes suck in the sight of me like some malignant vacuum of doom. My only moments of reprieve are when they look away and even then it is for only an instant.
Maybe I should try wearing some kind of horrific demon mask each time I stop by my brother’s house. Maybe that would work.