Results Shows

30 minutes of pure exploitation

Flipping through the channels, it wouldn’t be hard to find a completely pointless show that doesn’t belong on television. In fact it might be harder finding one that does. However, of all vain, pointless, stupid, money-grubbing show out there, results shows definitely take home the prize.

Just think about it: You sit through thirty or more minutes waiting to hear just one line of dialogue so you can tune in next week to be suckered into the whole process all over again. Is there anything more heart-wrenchingly idiotic than enduring an entire show based on the aftermath of what was before it? It’s like watching soldiers collect the bodies laid over a combat zone after an epic battle was just fought. Do T.V. execs expect starry-eyed viewers to saddle up to front row with a bag of popcorn in hand, cheering every time a careless private drops a corpse?

To make matters worse, these shows are needlessly extended with corny dramatics and has been performances of artists no one even remembered back in the nineties. In a typical results show, you might hear something along the lines of “The singer who will survive the quarterfinal round…and will be returning on next week’s finale…is…*stares awkwardly at the camera for fifteen seconds*…going to be revealed right after these messages.” Not only does everyone know this is coming but it’s glaringly offensive to anyone who has an I.Q. over 63. I’ve never felt like they duped me after shows pull this cheap trick. It’s not like we’re all leaning on the very edge of our couches, drooling onto our shaking, clenched fists, mesmerized beyond comprehension at the thought of knowing who is leaving and staying only to be shattered by the mention of upcoming commercials. Of course they’re gonna milk it as long as possible.

I don’t believe results shows are necessary but I do believe results are. You don’t need an entire show dedicated to a decision, just post it online or make a short 2 minute interruption from your scheduled programming. I think we’d all be way better off if we dealt with losers quickly and humanely rather than drag out their suffering.


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Posted on March 6, 2012, in Movies and T.V. and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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