My Critique on Cereal: Part 2
Posted by JP Feed
It may strike you as ridiculous that someone can possibly blog more than once about cereals. It is ridiculous, in fact it is LUDICROUS that such a trivial item of our lives can garner so much attention. However this is a topic that cannot go completely untouched so I have taken it upon myself to inform the public of the unspoken flaws that dominate the made-for-bowl industry. So below for your viewing pleasure is a tidily compiled list in no particular order outlining the essential cracks within the great system of cereal.
1. “Breakfast Cereal”
Yes cereals are most often eating during breakfast no one is arguing this but the term is still unwarranted. It’s an unneeded (notice my recent infatuation with words starting with “un”) reminder coming from the almighty and all-knowing creators of these majestic food items we shovel down our throats on a daily basis. Cereals can be eaten at any time of the day, I find it discriminatory to suggest otherwise.
2. Unannounced mascot changes
Maybe I am nit-picking here, but it bothers me that companies change the mascot on their cereal brands without even a complimentary warning beforehand. *Cue violin playing* Perhaps we made a bond with that mascot. For all they know the dog on those Cookie Crisp boxes could’ve been a best friend to me-I mean the costumer who was buying the cereal, until all of a sudden there’s a wolf on the box now! If the advertising moguls are going to seize our childhood dreams please be fragile.
3. Frosted frustration
Frosted Flakes is not a bad cereal. There’s a cool, friendly-looking tiger on the front, it’s got a recognizable slogan, and the whole “earn stripes” concept sounds pretty legit. The cereal does have one fatal flaw though. Upon the last scoop of frosty goodness within the bowl, I am left fishing for the flakes in a sea of sugared milk. When the milk is finally gone there are little bits of flakes scattered throughout the bowl. I don’t know about anyone else but I don’t want eating cereal to become a project for me.
4. Lucky Charms is not so charming
Let’s face it. Anybody who eats Lucky Charms is only doing it for the marshmallow pieces plain and simple. Those other pieces are just filler to make the cereal seem like a little bit less than junk food in a bowl. My strategy whenever I ate them was to eat the crappy pieces first so I can enjoy nothing but marshmallows afterwards. It is a sad circumstance.
5. The best cereals are worst for you
Trix and Fruit Loops. The Coke and Pepsi of the cereal industry. Both top competitors. Both taste delicious. Both are a lethal sugar injection. If the makers tried a little bit harder to make the cereals more nutritious than your local fast food restaurant then maybe I would give them a chance but until then I will enjoy my time not having diabetes.