My Critique on Cereal: Part 1
I had a dream last night of my favorite childhood cereal so by the powers that be, I deem it necessary to share my story. A few years back it occurred to me that there was a problem in my eating schedule. It was severely lacking in the breakfast department. I rarely ate conventional morning items like pancakes, eggs, sausage or bacon because I settled on the fast alternative of cereal. But this was the problem. I was SETTLING on cereal instead of THRIVING on it. We shouldn’t eat food just so we can survive, it should be enjoyed! I had only two loves in the cereal world: Oreo O’s and Cookie Crisp.
It all started with Oreo O’s around the tender age of oh let’s say nine. It was perfect in every way. Like the slogan said, Oreos were milk’s favorite cookie and there was no exception here. Every element was just absolutely scrumptious from the flavor packed marshmallow pieces all the way down to the sugary entrails left after the milk was slurped away. It was a match made in heaven and I couldn’t be happier.
Then one day a new flame caught my young eye in the supermarket. Its name was Cookie Crisp and it looked absolutely delicious. I anxiously took it home and tore it out of the box not realizing that I wasn’t even hungry. The chocolate chip cookie and milk combination seemed everlasting with an explosion of delight in every bite. I was very young then so I foolhardily declared my infatuation with the cereal before I was completely ready to make the commitment. The problem was that I was torn between two beautiful cereals. Feeling like a third wheel, Oreo O’s made a quiet but sorrowful exit while I was still constantly engaged with this new enchantment. It didn’t take long before I grew sick of the new sensation. After a while it just didn’t taste the same and I was yearning for more. I thought back to my glorious days with Oreo O’s and how I couldn’t remember a day I didn’t enjoy them. So like an overly drawn out soap opera I took back my former love and promised I would stay the course till death did us part…which was exactly what happened. Years later it turned out that Post decided to put the axe to my all-time favorite cereal. Apparently my love wasn’t shared with the rest of the world.
After that I awkwardly wandered from cereal to cereal never quite finding a spark until I finally gave up the practice all together. It is a sad story but one that helped reveal to myself that I truly did not like any kind of cereal now that I had become a widower. Oreo O’s was irreplaceable no matter how much sugar-induced, glossy-toy-enclosed package came my way. Check back for part II and find out why I hold such disdain for the rest of the cereal industry